Posted in Grace/Forgiveness
“As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You, O God.” Psalm 42: 1-2
It was a period in my life I had been experiencing a very difficult time. I was unemployed and unable to find a job and money was getting tighter and tighter. In addition, I was taking care of my aging mother and had no idea how I was to navigate my future. I felt that God had abandoned me. Depression, abundant anxiety, and not a peep from God- all of this made me feel his absence was clear, and I desperately needed him. In Psalm 42, the deer is aching with thirst, as was I, and its soul was “panting for Him,” as was mine, and for months I was in a drought and terrified. I was feeling forgotten, alone, and abandoned. “Where are you, Lord? I really need you.”
Backtracking, I had already lived 61.5 years on this Earth, and having heard about grace all of my life, I couldn’t grasp it. Never felt it, never saw it, never experienced it. What was grace, and why had God not shown me at least some of it?
Since I was a child, I had heard pastors preach on it and Sunday school teachers teach on it, but its meaning evaded me. Grace seemed to be a black hole. The Merriam Webster definition provided no clarity, and I was so frustrated. I decided I was unworthy of God’s grace.
Actually, in reality, nothing bad had happened. Everything was going smoothly, but in not hearing God’s voice, I was seeing no light at the end of that proverbial tunnel and that light was dimming quickly. What was I to do? Where was my God? Innate survival techniques were already at the gate, and I was feeling sick to my stomach.
One afternoon the phone rang. It was Pastor Brad offering me a gift of grace. That was Grace! Grace! I finally understood, felt and saw the meaning of Grace: “unmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration or sanctification!” (Merriam Webster). I had done NOTHING to deserve this gift. Absolutely nothing. And I was the recipient of grace! Every time I think back on that dark phase, I can now see that I was being held in his loving arms the whole time. And his grace had been present many times in my past, even when I wasn’t hearing or noticing it. Now that’s what I call experiencing grace. Thank you, Lord!
Prayer: Thank you, Lord, for your grace that’s always abundant. Help my eyes be open constantly so that I can see it all the time! Amen.
Submitted by Lucy Scoville